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Helping other women who are childless not by choice

Helping other women who are childless not by choice Fiona Tate

2nd August 2017
Fiona Tate childless not by choice

I’m on a crusade. Not like those fanatical, religious, violent, people. Actually… I’m a little bit like those people, just not the violent ones.

I am childless by circumstance, not by choice, and until a year or so ago, I was a devastated, damaged, and thoroughly miserable human being. I did not believe that I could ever be happy because I am not, never have been, and never will be a mother.

Not for the first time, I was wrong.

I am happy. I am fulfilled. I am loving every single fucking minute of my life. I have a passion and a purpose. Something that gets me out of bed every morning (along with the need to pee, of course). I have something in my life that is productive, that helps other women, and that will be my legacy.

I am a Writer.

(Did you hear the trumpets?)

writer, author, vampire fiction

Yup, I am writing a novel, a blog, a non-fiction book, and am soon to start writing an online course. I am also a Childless by Circumstance Mentor and Guide. My job, career, and reason for living, is to help other women who are childless not by choice, to find a way to be as happy and fulfilled as I am.

My Vampire novel started out as therapy. Yes, I said Vampire. It’s co-written by Countess Drusilla Steele, but I’ll tell you about her later. She needs a paragraph of her own. But it started before I began writing my novel. It started with those Bloody Earthquakes.

I live in Christchurch, New Zealand, and as you may or may not know, six years ago, our city crumbled to the ground due to some never-ending earthquakes and aftershocks. I probably don’t need to tell you how devastating that was. But that was when I realized that the old saying “life is too short” really was a fact and not an excuse to do whatever the hell you want.

So, I finally agreed to marry my (now) husband, we bought our first (only) home and I faced the fact that if I was ever going to have children, I needed to do something about it. Now. I won’t go into details that are too long and too painful to list here, but eventually, I had to face that it wasn’t going to happen. I would never be a mother.

Once I accepted that I had to decide how I was going to cope with it. I figured I had two choices. I could either give in and drown in my own misery, or I could find somewhere else to put all the love and wisdom I had gathered over the years. It didn’t take me long to decide that I had worked too hard over the years on my mental health and well-being, to give up now. Not to mention the money I’d spent on therapists, anti-depressants, essential oils, miracle cures, etc.

I make it sound easy, don’t I? It wasn’t. It was unbelievably hard. But so very, very, worth it.

I began to write my book. The Vampire novel I’d sworn to write when I was 12 years old and desperate for a decent Vampire read. But, mine would have a twist, I’d use it to get rid of all the pain and anger I had around never getting the one thing I had always wanted from life. And once I started writing, it completely ran away on me.

I’m still working on the novel and I have ideas for the sequel, but I got a little sidetracked. I realized that my writing had given me a new purpose and passion in life, it had helped me to heal. So then, maybe it could help other women to heal too. That was when I started my business, when I created Women without children, Loving the World.

women's crusade childless

I have two online programs. Loving the World, and Exploring Passions. Both programs help women to re-connect with former hobbies and interests, and form them into new passions to heal and move forward in their lives. Loving the World is more in-depth and delves more into the pain of childlessness and Exploring Passions focuses solely on finding your purpose. Oh, and there’s a facebook group, blog and newsletter. Who needs sleep anyway?

I absolutely love my business and the amazing women I get to work with.

So, that’s my crusade. That’s my business, my passion, the gift I give to anyone who needs it. I know I’m considered an entrepreneur but that word always makes me feel like I should have several businesses. I don’t want several businesses. I want the one business, the one that fulfills all my needs while helping other women fulfill theirs. And if you’re after some advice on how to be a successful business owner, here it is. Get. Yourself. Into. A. tight. Circle. Of. Inspiring. Passionate. Business. Women. Actually, that’s good advice for anyone, not just business women.

Oh! I nearly forgot. Countess Drusilla Steele. She’s just fabulous.

Childless not by choice
The Countess

She’s me too, of course, but she’s the version of me, that I’m too polite, to be. (Sorry, channeling Dr Seuss) She’s who I become when I need to be tough when I’m sticking up for myself, or others, when I’m just too tired, cranky, or busy to give a shit about what anyone else thinks. Sometimes she sits in the background, and at other times I bring her out and let her shine. Countess Dru is the culmination of my life experiences, pain, and successes. She’s my reward for making it this far.

She’s the version of me, that I’m too polite, to be.

We all have a Countess inside of us somewhere, sometimes we want to ignore her, other times we need to borrow her strength. That’s something else I do in my programs. I help women find the Countess, or Queen, or Inner Tough Chick, so they can use her when they need to.

And did I mention she has fantastic dress sense?

Fiona Tate childless not by choice

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